Today my dad asked if I was coming to visit for the 1 year anniversary of my mom’s death. I told him no because I don’t want to “celebrate” that day.I think it upset him. I’m pretty sure it did.
The thing is I know it’s not exactly celebrating to go put flowers on her grave but it’s just not a day I want to recognize as special. There is nothing “special” about her dying. It was one of the worst days of my life. I will remember my mom and what happened in my own way that day. Doing it by putting flowers on her grave is just not how I want to do it. I will go any other day. I just don’t want to go that day.
It’s been almost a year and, if I’m being honest, I’ve still not allowed myself to completely grieve. I’ve done so many things that were not what I wanted or needed for myself to give others what they needed. Especially my dad. So am I being selfish and is it wrong of me to want to spend her death-day the way I want? Should I just suck it up like everything else and do it for my dad?
So it turns out I have a pretty bad infection in my abdomen behind/in my belly button, which (in case you didn’t read my other post before I deleted it the other day) has caused me extreme pain. In fact, it feels like my belly button is trying to rip away from my body.
To top that off, I had to tape a cotton ball over my belly button to catch the gross stuff coming out and I’ve apparently had an allergic reaction to the medical tape I used. So now I have a red itchy rash where the tape was.
The doctor called me a bit ago to tell me my white cell count was elevated and a preliminary test of the belly swab they took showed bacteria of some sort and white cells (she used lots of medical terms that went over my head. That’s all I really caught) She wants to do a CT scan if I continue to have pain.
The good news though is that I do feel a tiny bit better today. I can move a bit more before I am stopped in my tracks with excruciating pain. and hardly any gross stuff coming out. So looks like the antibiotics are actually working.
Fingers crossed I feel 100% really soon because this sucks donkey balls.
There’ a guy on the phone in the waiting room at the dr office talking to his wife (or gf) and he just asked her if she had her “pep smear” yet.
I almost laughed out loud. I imagined a pep squad cheering them on while they laid there with their legs in stirrups & the doctor’s head between their legs. “Give me a C-E-R-V-I-X! what does that spell? CERVIX!!!!!”
He followed that by telling her that there was a question on the patient forms where they ask if you have ever been physically abused by your partner and how that was the best part of their relationship.
If nothing else he had made this visit slightly amusing (and somewhat annoying he thinks he’s the funniest guy on earth. )
I actually started documenting everything about a week ago. The fucking idiot and ripping me a new asshole comment I actually have on an audio recording. (Oops! did I leave my phone with the voice recorder running when I left the room?)
I plan on talking to my manager (again) to let her know it’s gotten worse & I’m thinking about going to HR. I have a pretty good relationship with her & don’t won’t her to think I’m going over her head & Not giving her a chance to resolve. (Yeah I’m too nice.)
I know there are difficult people at every job and I’m good at dealing with them but this has gone beyond get just being difficult.
She has tried to get me in trouble for stuff I didn’t do (which on some ways backfired for her)
She has thrown a hissy fit because I said “we think…” about a suggestion she had that I agreed with. I would understand if this was something major and she thought I was trying to take credit for her idea But this was something that was on the same level of her saying she thinks the door should stay open, I agreed and then told someone that made the decision s about the doors that we thought it should stay open. (Bad analogy really but you get the point)
She dug her heels in regarding a procedure change that would make things easier for us just because it was my idea. She’s still mad that our manager decided on my way. And makes snarky comments about it.
She has called me a fucking idiot to our co-workers.
She told 2 other co-workers that if I went to an off site team event that she wasn’t going because she would end up”ripping (me) a new asshole”.
And those are just a few examples.
I am so fed up with her. I just don’t know how to handle the situation anymore. But I’m so frustrated right now I could cry. (Because I can’t hit anyone)
Sunny and 70. Such a beautiful day!
Crazy to think we had snow a week ago.
3:15 on a Saturday. Sounds like a perfect time for a nap. :-)
I recently received an unexpected bonus at work & while my more responsible side said “Save! Save! Save!” I decided to just do it. After all I deserve it plus the bonus was a lot more than the cost of the pass so I can still save some. :-)
I’m still a little iffy on going down there by myself the entire time but at least I’ll have the option.
Fresh strawberry cake w/ a strawberry glaze. So delicious. If I could share with you all I would.